


the first time i felt connected to anything

by simplyollie



Series: Make This Go on Forever [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Damian’s protective, Dick Grayson Needs a Hug, Dick just wants his brother back, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fighting, Fluff, Gen, Jason’s still angry, Tim’s the best brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 16:41:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21164807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplyollie/pseuds/simplyollie
Summary: “You need to stop butting in where you’re not wanted,” Hood spat, grabbing his guns and holestering them.And, okay, that hurt. He’d really thought that they were getting somewhere, especially after that night in the kitchen a few weeks ago.Nightwing rolled his shoulders, pushing down his hurt. “Look, I was just doing what O said—I was trying to help.”“Well I don’t need your help,” Hood snapped angrily. “And certainly not from somebody I can’t trust.”Tim’s forgiven him, so why can’t Jason?





	the first time i felt connected to anything

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this like right away and finished it in a day, and i couldn’t wait to post it so enjoy!
> 
> everyone: can we have jason realise that dick’s not in the wrong and have some cute brotherly bonding?
> 
> me: did you ask for more angst?? well, her ya go!

> _ we have got through so much worse than this before. what’s so different this time that you can’t ignore? you say it is much more than just my last mistake, and we should spend some time apart for both our sakes. _

Nightwing was patrolling with Robin that night—something that had been happening a lot ever since Dick had gotten back. While the majority of the fighting and tension had been between Dick, Tim, and Jason, ( with his two brother’s angry at him ), Damian had deemed it correct to blame Bruce for the wrong doing that was Dick’s faked death. 

_ ( “Why would I blame you, Grayson?” Damian asked, genuine curiosity in his tone. _

_ Dick shrugged, refusing to meet Damian’s eyes. He was still raw from everything Tim and Jason had said, every way they had hurt him and blamed him—he didn’t want Damian to feel the same way, but he would understand if he did. _

_ “Because I hurt you—I let you believe I was dead and I should’ve told you.” _

_ Damian sneered, “father made that decision, _ not _ you. You are not the one at fault, no matter what those imbeciles say.” _

_ Smiling tearfully, Dick had pulled Damian into a hug—one he struggled against, but inevitably gave into. “Thanks, Dami, that really means a lot.” _

_ “Tt, whatever,” he muttered, though he tightened his hold around Dick. “Just don’t leave again.” ) _

It had been a source of a lot of tension between Bruce and Damian—Batman and Robin. Damian refusing to listen to Bruce, running off on his own and purposefully getting himself into dangerous situations; always trying to pick a fight with his father, muttering comments under his breath that were low for even him. It had gotten to the point where Bruce suggested—_ demanded _—that Damian take some time off from being Robin for a while. Damian had fought against this vehemently, going as far as physically fighting Bruce, so Alfred had proposed the idea that Damian stay with Dick in Blüdhaven for a few weeks.

Damian had jumped at the idea immediately, and had been shipped over to Dick’s place that very day. 

He had been staying with Dick for a week now, and they’d been patrolling together every night, and Dick enjoyed it so much more than he’d admit. He missed having Damian around, had missed his snarky comments and flippant nature—not to mention the hugs that were only reserved for him. Nobody would never voice it aloud, but everyone just _ knew _that Dick was Damian’s favourite, and he always would be no matter what he did. 

_ ( It didn’t matter that Dick had lied to him, faked his death and hurt his brother. It didn’t matter that Damian had been hurting for _ months, _ not knowing that his older brother was okay and would be coming back. _

_ Dick didn’t understand, would _ never _ understand why and how Damian had forgiven him so easily, but he wasn’t going to complain. Having someone by his side, defending him even after everything, was all Dick needed to keep going ). _

Robin was sitting on the edge of a rooftop, Nightwing standing directly behind him, swinging his legs as he surveyed the city below. ( Dick couldn’t help but smile at Damian’s swinging legs, such an adorable and childish habit that he had picked up not long after coming to the manor ). Patrol had been quiet that night, and Nightwing and Robin were going to meet up with Red Robin later to discuss a case he needed their help on, ( Tim had finally bitten the bullet and shown up at the manor, approaching Dick with caution as he came to explain that he didn’t understand why he’d done it, but he’d forgive him because he was his brother and he loved him. Jason hadn’t been happy—but then again, he rarely was nowadays ). Their quiet night, however, was interrupted by Oracle’s voice crackling through the comms. 

“Nightwing, Robin, you two there?” 

Nightwing grinned. “Present and accounted for, babe.” 

( Dick could practically _ feel _Barbara’s eye roll through the comm link ).

“Red Hood’s gonna need your help with busting a trafficking ring,” Oracle continued, all business. “The idiot went in there by himself and didn’t take into account how many people would be there.” 

Nightwing couldn’t help the sinking feeling in his chest—due to not only the fact that he’d have to deal with Red Hood, but due to the fact that he might be hurt. “Did he specifically ask for us, or is he still being stubborn and you decided to step in?” 

Oracle let out a small huff of laughter. “You know Hood, stubborn as usual, but you and Robin have the closest ETA, so I’m sending the coordinates.” 

“Thanks, O,” Nightwing said once he’d received them, motioning for Robin to follow as he made his way towards the destination. “See you on the flipside.” 

“Be careful,” she said quietly before disappearing. 

It wasn’t long before the pair had arrived at the warehouse that Red Hood resided in, the front entryway already decorated with a few unconscious bodies, ( not dead, Dick checked ). They couldn’t hear anything when they first entered, and Nightwing and Robin decided it’d be best to come in from above, the pair creeping along the thin railings that lined the roof of the warehouse.

They heard Red Hood before they saw him—the familiar quips and threats, the sounds of punches being thrown, the sound of multiple other people, ( far more people than one person can deal with by himself—even if it _ was _ Jason ). He was surrounded, his guns flung across the other side of the room, simply relying on his fists because _ of course _he went in with just his guns and no backup weapon. 

“Wing, Rob, you find him?” Oracle’s voice crackled back to life. 

“What’ve you got,” Robin greeted—straight to business as usual.

There was the faint sound of typing before Oracle continued. “There should be a door to your right—the only door in there,” Robin hummed his affirmation. “Hood says that’s where they’re keeping the people.” 

“D’you think you can sneak in and get ‘em while Hood and I continue to distract these guys?” 

Robin scowled, and for a second Nightwing thought he was going to protest. “Will you and Todd be alright?” 

Nightwing’s smile softened, and he prepared to jump down and help his brother. “I’ll be fine, Little D—now go help those people.” 

Nightwing jumped down just as Robin swung his way towards the door. “You boys havin’ a party without me,” he asked cheerily as landed on one of the men’s shoulders, effectively crumpling him to the ground. 

“What are _ you _doing here,” Red Hood demanded as he elbowed one of them men behind him in the stomach. 

“O sent us,” Nightwing said, taking out two of the men with his escrima sticks. “Said you needed help.” 

“Well I don’t,” Hood growled as he punched one of them angrily in the face. “S’pose the Demon Brat’s here too.” 

Swiftly kicking one of the guys feet out from under him, Nightwing rolled his eyes. “You did need some help—and don’t call him that.” 

By the time they had taken everybody out, a substantial amount of unconscious bodies surrounded them, and the duo were panting hard.

“You need to stop butting in where you’re not wanted,” Hood spat, grabbing his guns and holestering them. 

And, okay, that hurt. He’d really thought that they were getting somewhere, especially after that night in the kitchen a few weeks ago.

_ ( He’s never going to forgive you, no matter how much you apologise, how much you try, he’ll always hate you for what _ <strike>_ Bruce _</strike> _ you did. ) _

Nightwing rolled his shoulders, pushing down his hurt. “Look, I was just doing what O said—I was trying to _ help _.” 

“Well I don’t need your help,” Hood snapped angrily. “And certainly not from somebody I can’t trust.” 

Nightwing flinched as if he’d been slapped, and suddenly he wasn’t the cocky and confident vigilante he was dressed as anymore, he was just Dick Grayson—Dick Grayson who’s brother hated him. “Jay, I didn’t—”

“Code names in the field, _ Nightwing. _”

Dick stepped back slightly, backing away from the fury that made up Jason Todd and Red Hood. He could feel the tears beginning to build up in his eyes, and he willed them not to fall, ( they’d only gather in his domino mask and make it hard to see ).

He opened his mouth to say something—_ anything, _when there was the soft swish of feet behind him followed by Damian’s voice. 

“The people are unharmed and the authorities are on there way,” he informed them, stopping short beside Dick. He glanced suspiciously between the pair, his natural scowl darkening as his eyes stopped on Red Hood. “What did you do, you cretin.” 

Dick could tell Jason was smirking beneath the mask. “Nothing he didn’t deserve.”

Robin’s frown deepened, and he stepped forward threateningly. “I hope you know I can, and _ will _, beat you to a pulp if necessary.” 

A mechanical scoff sounded from inside the helmet. “When are you gonna stop defending him?” Jason’s voice was resigned, fed up. “When are you going to realise that _ he’s _in the wrong?”

Damian growled. “When are you going to realise that you don’t have the full story, _ Todd _!” 

Dick felt his blood run cold—Damian’s fists were clenched and his face was pinched like he was trying to hold back both his anger and tears. _ The whole story… _Did he know? But how could he? Dick hadn’t told anyone, the only person who knew was Bruce, and he certainly wasn’t telling anyone. Which meant that it had to be the cowl footage, and Damian certainly didn’t know how to access that without letting Bruce know, which meant—

_ Tim, _of course. They both knew. Was that the reason for the meet up with Red Robin tonight, the reason why Tim had forgiven him? 

“You—” Dick began, but was cut off by Oracle. 

“The GCPD’s close guys, you might wanna think about heading out.”

Jason saluted sharply, though somehow Dick knew he was glaring underneath the helmet. “With pleasure.” 

“Jay—” but he was gone before Dick could even decide on what it was he was going to say. 

They stood in silence for a moment, the distant sound of sirens getting closer and closer, and suddenly Damian was gripping Dick’s wrist loosely. 

“We should leave,” he said. “Red Robin is waiting.” 

Dick nodded numbly and followed his little brother. 

* * *

They planned for the meeting to happen in one of the few safe houses Dick had in Blüdhaven, ( though Dick didn’t exactly know what that meeting was going to be at this point ). The second they stepped foot inside, Dick’s eyes immediately landed on Tim, who was sitting in Dick’s kitchen in an overly tattered Superman hoodie while shoveling some cereal into his mouth.

“How professional, Drake,” Damian drawled as he ripped off his domino mask and ventured into the kitchen.

Tim simply flipped Damian off before offering Dick a small grin and a wave. Dick smiled back, though he wasn’t sure how convincing it was, as he pulled his own mask off. He needed time to think before this conversation, so as Damian started rifling through his, mostly empty, cupboards, Dick made his way towards the bathroom to shower and change.

The water was scalding hot, burning against Dick’s skin in an almost comforting way. The water was always cold whenever he tried to take one while with Spyral, and ever since he’d gotten back he’d been taking overly hot showers—he didn’t think it was good or healthy for his skin, but it grounded him, so he didn’t care. Dick closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against the tile wall as he tried to breathe out slowly—

_ ( —he couldn’t—he couldn’t breathe. Luther wasn’t removing his hand and he couldn’t fucking breathe! His eyes scanned the room frantically, landing on Bruce who was trying to push forward, his face was a mask of fury. He was saying something—yelling something—but the only thing Dick could hear was the pounding in his head and the frantic beeping of the heart machine. _

_ He’d already swallowed the pill, but Luther still wouldn’t remove his hand and Dick hated how it smelled and he just wanted it gone, just wanted to get to Bruce, to go back home and forget this ever happened. _

_ His heartbeat is spiraling out of control and Dick can’t breathe and his eyes are slowly dropping closed—but he couldn’t, he couldn’t close them, because then he’d lose sight of Bruce, and he needed Bruce to tell him that everything was going to be okay. _

_ But he couldn’t even get small breaths in at this point, and everything was going hazy, and sleeping seemed like a pretty nice choice at this point. _

_ He stopped fighting and closed his eyes, his entire body jerking one last time before he went still—the last thing he could remember was wondering if Bruce would tell his brothers, or wait for them to find out themselves ). _

“—ayson,” a voice registered in his mind, and suddenly Dick was back in the safe house and standing under a steadily cooling spray of water. “Grayson, are you alright in there?” 

Shutting of the water, Dick stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around himself, opening the door to reveal a very concerned Damian. “Yeah, sorry, I just gotta change.” 

Damian did not look convinced. “Fine, but do not take long, we have things to discuss.”

Dick sighed, his heart sinking at the serious look on his brother’s face—looked like he wasn’t getting out of this. 

By the time he had finished changing, there were boxes of chinese take out scattered across his makeshift dining table, and Tim and Damian were fighting over who got the last fortune cookie. 

“It belongs to Grayson!”

“He’s not gonna care!” 

Dick chuckled lightly, alerting the two to his presence. “You can have it Timmy, I don’t care.” 

Snatching it from Damian’s grip, Tim stuck his tongue out childishly. “See, told you.”

Sitting down silently, and awkwardly, at the table, Dick stared down at his plate as Damian piled it with food, and began eating properly once he caught sight of the death glare his youngest brother was giving him. He was halfway through his meal when Tim cleared his throat, tapping his fingers almost nervously against the table. 

“So, about this case…” 

“He knows, Drake,” Damian cut in softly, and Dick felt like sinking into the ground at the pitying glance Tim sent him.

“Dick, I…” 

Dick smiled softly, sadly, as he met his brother’s eyes. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “You didn’t know—I didn’t tell you.” 

Tim shook his head. “Maybe if I’d’ve _ listened _to you then—”

“I still wouldn’t have told you.” 

“And why not?” Damian asked sharply, his eyes narrowed dangerously.

Dick shrugged. “You guys have been through so much worse—and besides, I still faked my death, I still lied to you.” 

Tim reached out and gripped Dick’s hand in his own, shaking his head vehemently. “No—no, that was Bruce’s choice, I see that now. I _ know _ you wanted to tell us, but he wouldn’t let you, and I’m sorry I got so angry. I just—I had been missing you and I was hurt and I—I took my anger out on you, and _ I’m so sorry _.” 

“It’s okay,” Dick said, smiling tearfully as she squeezed Tim’s hand tightly. “Really, it’s okay.” 

“And enough of this bullshit about us going through worse,” Damian spat suddenly, though he stood up and crawled his way into Dick’s lap, wrapping his arms tightly around his older brother. “You _ died, _Richard, and that—that is scary.” 

Dick wrapped his free arm around Damian’s small body, resting his cheek against his head as the tears began to fall. 

“I was so scared,” he whispered brokenly. “I couldn’t breathe and I was _ so scared _.”

Suddenly, Tim was on his feet too, and he wrapped both Damian and Dick in his own embrace, his hand coming up to card through Dick’s hair in a way that only made the older man cry harder. 

“It’s okay, Dick,” he muttered. “It’s all going to be okay.” 

Letting out a few shuddering breaths, Dick managed to find his voice and ask, “w–what about Jay?” 

Damian’s arms tightened around Dick suddenly, and he was sure the younger boy was scowling once again. “Forget about that _ asshole _.” 

But Dick didn’t want to forget about him. Dick loved Jason just as much as he loved all of his other siblings, and no matter how much Jason hated him, no matter how many cruel words were thrown his way, that wasn’t going to change. And he hated it—hated that he was like this, but there was nothing he could do. He could only hope that he hadn’t ruined their relationship forever, like he’d done with so many other people in his life. 

_ ( You already _ have _ ruined it. There’s nothing you can do, he’s never going to come around. He hates you—and rightfully so. It doesn’t matter that you actually died, you still lied to him and he’ll never forgive you ). _

“He’ll come around eventually,” Tim said as he rested his head on Dick’s shoulder. “I know he will—he’s just…confused and angry. Give him time.” 

_ ( Dick could only hope that was true, because he didn’t know how much longer he could take the thought of Jason not loving him anymore ). _

For the moment, however, he simply tightened his hold on his brother’s, and let them comfort him for once, let them be the ones holding him up and telling him it was alright.

_  
_It was nice, it was comforting. It was home, as cliche as that sounded, and he’d missed it.

**Author's Note:**

> don’t worry! it will get better!!
> 
> lemme know what you think!


End file.
